The Lgend of Zelduhhh: the Plott's Rvenege
by Cherry-sama
Summary: Sequel to the "Lgend of Zelduhhh: Lydia's Boogers". Everything you can do wrong with a Legend of Zelda fanfic continued. Includes Linda, Lydia, Link, Navi, and the Plott. PLZ B NICE WITH UR REVEIWS!


**The Lgend of Zelduhhh: the Plott's Rvenege**

A/N: I was toying with the idea of creating a sequel to Lydia's Boogers for a while, however, I hadn't started until now. I read a terrible fanfiction on another website. Starring one of the worst Mary-Sues I have ever come across. I have inspiration now.

**WARNING:**  
>If this sounds a little bit like your fanfic, then you should be worried. If this sounds a LOT like your fanfic, I should be worried. But the Mary-Sue fanfic I read was written many years ago, so I think its safe to say that the writer won't be reading this any time soon.<p>

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><p>Once upon a time, the writer decided to write a fanfic. But since she had no idea how to start it, she decided to throw together a quick intro, and skip right to it. A mysterious girl crashed head first into a tree.<p>

"Ouch!" she let out.

Link turned around to see that a young girl crashed into a tree behind him. He was heading to his house to take home the groceries, but this random stranger had invoked his sense of curiosity. He dropped the bags.

"Hey!" Navi protested. "There was some good peanut butter in there! Great, now its spilled everywhere! Why I oughtta…"

"Hello there random stranger!" Link exclaimed. "Who might you be?"

"I think you're missing a comma in there," she replied. "And my name's Linda McSparkly Fairyfarts! But you can just call me Linda."

Linda emerged from behind the tree to show her blonde silky smooth hair flapping in the wind! Her blue and pink eyes matched perfectly with the several sapphire and scarlet streaks that cascaded down her flowing hair! The authoress used exclamation marks to try and make the description seem more dramatic, however, it made her look stupid in the process! Linda's hair bounced and sproinged elegantly in the wind, and seemed to stick up in random places! It was like Angelina Jolie's hair, only it was cut like Jennifer Anniston's, decorated with Celine Dion's best hair clips, stylized by Sandra Bullock, and had little braids in it like Johnny Depp's beard!

It was needless to say that Linda was the most beautiful girl Link had ever laid eyes upon.

"My!" Link exclaimed. "It's needless to say that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes upon."

"Link, the narrator just said that!" Navi pointed out.

"Don't you know, Navi?" Link asked. "Redundancy is makes the world go 'round!"

"Say, Linda, why isn't your nose bleeding?" Navi asked. "Didn't you just crash head first into a tree?"

"This is a Legend of Zelda fic," Linda explained, "No one can bleed—all that happened was I lost a quarter of a heart."

"Ugh, finally," Navi groaned, "Some sense of continuity."

"Do you want to meet my horse?" Linda asked.

Linda pointed to a horse that was not there a few seconds prior.

"Sure!" Link exclaimed. "How do you do, Mister?"

Link extended his hand. The Horse lifted up its hoof, and shook Link's hand.

"You like him?" Linda asked. "His name is Shiny McRainbow Poo! He's actually a magical unicorn in disguise who farts rainbows to propel himself over large crevasses!"

"Neat!" Link's face lit up.

The Horse straightened up proudly.

"…Okay, never mind," Navi sighed. "All continuity has gone out the window."

"Gee, I wish Epona could do that," Link sighed.

"But you don't have Epona yet!"

"So, tell me, Linda," Link said, "What is your story?"

"Well, see," Linda sighed. "I was on my way to my High School: Sunshine McSparkly Sparkle Spark High when it happened. I was having a terrible day and a terrible life when all of a sudden kidnappers flew out of the trees, and ambushed me. They bound and gagged me, and put me in their van: the Bumbleflower 3000, and drove off with me. When I was in their trunk, I hit the switch that opened the truck door with my hip, and rolled out of the vehicle. I hit the ground with a loud splat. I unbound myself, because I am a very accomplished escape artist, and tried to walk back home. Then I realized I was lost. I saw smoke rising up in the distance and I decided that it was my ticket to safety. After a couple days of hiking, though, I realized that what I had seen was the smog from an active volcano. I peeked over the edge to get a better look (and to make sure that there weren't any houses for me to lodge in down there), but then I fell in. The next thing I knew was the I rolled into a tree, and ended up here!"

"My! What an adventure!" Link exclaimed.

"And then this horse appeared," Linda added. "It's like I have this magical, illogical power to summon animals or something."

"B-B-B-But your PARENTS!" Navi yelled. "Imagine how scared they are! What must they be thinking?"

"That's okay, I was adopted by aliens, so they don't matter," Linda said. "They always neglected me since they were always too busy with their intergalactic travels, and plans to invade the planet."

Navi was at a loss of words.

"Link," Linda turned to Link. "We must go on a journey!"

"A journey?" Link blinked.

"To find a way to send you back home?" Navi asked.

"And go back to the aliens? No way!" Linda huffed.

"Then why do we have to travel with you anywhere?" Navi asked.

Linda picked her nose, "Meh. I have nothing better to do."

"Me neither!" Link exclaimed.

"Y-Yes you do!" Navi huffed. "You have to put away the groceries! Do you _want _the milk to spoil?"

"Yeah, well, I don't have a refrigerator anyway," Link shrugged.

"Oh, Link," Linda clung onto Link's arm.

Link was beginning to feel a ton of emotions he was not supposed to get until he was seven years older. But before Link could become totally infatuated with Linda, a skeletal hand rose out of the ground…

"_Liiiiiinnnkkkk…_" an eerie voice whispered.

"Yes? What is it? What do you want?" Link asked the hand.

"Erm…" the voice paused.

The hand clawed its way out of the ground to reveal the half-decaying Lydia. She looked almost like a Stalchild except for the fact that it wore a pink, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink dress, and some hair was still attached to the skull.

"Now, where was I…" Lydia paused. "Oh yes. _Yoooouuuu. You weenccch… Step away from myyyy eterrrnalll loooovveeerrrr…_"

"Eternal lover!" Linda gasped. "Link, were you cheating on me?"

"Of course not, my dearest," Link smiled. "I would _never_ love anyone but you. Besides, I have no idea who this person is."

"Wait, what?" Navi blinked. "Link, did you just grow seven years older?"

This was true—Link had grown seven years older within the time span of a millisecond. Navi put her hands on her hips, "My, you've gotten fat." "I have?" Link asked. "Of cours—wait, what happened to the text?" "The authoress forgot what proper formatting looked like. Pretty soonshe's goingto startbunching awholebunch ofwords together." Navi did a face-palm, "That moron! Can't she see that writing like this is only going to make her lose readers?" "Oh, Navi, I'm sure she realizes that." "Hey! Don't forget about me!" the remains of Lydia cried out. Navi ignored this, "And Link?" "Yes Navi?" "What happened to your shirt?" Link shrugged, "Beats me."

"Ohhh, Link, how could you?" Linda sniffled. "How could you have an affair with another woman?"

Link turned to Linda, "My dearest, sweetest Linda, I could never cheat on you even if I tried. You are my sun, my moon, my stars, my octopus and I cannot live without you. And in all honesty, I've never seen this woman before in my life."

"Liar!" Lydia's remains snarled. "We made out in the last fanfic!"

Linda began to cry, "Now you're lying to me too? Link, how could you? I bet you don't even love me, and this is just the writer's ploy into getting her kicks without having a relationship with someone!"

"No, that's not true," Link smiled. "You gave me a reason to live, Linda."

"Oh yeah? Well this fanfiction gave me a reason to die!" Navi muttered.

The skies suddenly opened up and bright pillars of light came beaming down. Linda, Link, Navi, and Lydia's remains all looked up in unison. Suddenly, three beautiful women floated down. Each of them had their own separate colours—red, green, and blue, but they were all equally beautiful, thus making them equally special, and overall: equally boring.

The green one's mouth opened first, and when she spoke, the birds sang, and all of nature seemed to come to life.

"My dearest child…" the green one began.

The birds and surrounding wildlife nattered loudly, making it so that nobody could hear the green woman.

"…and that is why…" the green one continued.

The birds squawked at almost deafening volumes.

"…and so we'd like to offer…" the green one nodded.

The wildlife screeched even louder, almost as if nature itself was trying its best to keep our heroes from hearing what she had to say.

"WILL SOMEONE SHUT THOSE DANG BIRDS UP!" the green women yelled, but that too, was barely audible.

"Here, allow me, dear sister," the red one smiled. "Alright…so…what Farore was trying to say—"

Something in the background burst into flame.

"Din, Nayru, and Farore?" Link gasped. "We're in the presence of the goddesses themselves!"

"I thought they were supposed to be golden…" Navi paused. "After all, that's what they've been telling us for the entire game."

"Shut up," the red woman huffed. "Continuity isn't important."

A nearby sign burst into flame.

"So, Linda, as Farore here was saying…" Din began.

Mido's tree hut started sparking.

"It's not my f…lt that the stupid…animals…screeching…when I…" Farore's voice could barely be heard.

"Linda, we must speak with you about matters of most importance. So, there was this monkey that walked into a bar—"

"Whoa!" younger Link gasped. "Why is my house on fire?"

Din looked around her, and saw that everything was burning.

"Oh right," a patch of grass erupted in flame. "This is Kokiri **Forest**."

"Ahhh!" Link screamed. "Not the rhododendrons!"

Nayru, the blue one, sighed, "Here. Allow me."

As soon as Nayru's lips opened, a heavy downpour started. All the fires were put out immediately, but most of the village had been charred to a crisp.

"Now, where were we?" Nayru smiled.

"At…part about…fate…!" Farore tried to speak.

"Oh, that's right," Nayru smiled. "Now, Linda, we must tell you something very important…"

It began to hail.

"Okay, seriously," Navi groaned. "You three are goddesses. Can't you control something like that?"

"If you insist," Nayru said. "But I must warn you, it became our only defining features after it replaced our personalities."

All at once, the wildlife stopped nattering, everything stopped burning, and the rain cleared up.

~TRANSLATIONS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE~

ナビは「あっ、やめた。よかった」と言いました。「えっ？！何がした？！」

リンクは「えっと・・・俺たちは日本語話してる・・・」と言いました。

ナビは「それが無理でしょう！この物語は今まで英語で書いた、よ。なぜ日本語になった？」と呼び声を上げました。

リンダーは「また英語になるのがいい・・・」と言いました。

リディアは「リンクはあたしの恋人ですよ！」と呼び声を上げました。

リンクは「読者は日本語を読めるかな・・・」と訝りました。

ナビは「たぶんできない、」と言いました。

"Oh hey," Din paused. "The dialogue's in English again."

リンクは「ばんざい！」と呼び声を上げました。

There was a pause.

"KAWAII DESU!111oneoneone!12!" Lydia screeched.

"So," Linda said, "You goddesses wanted to tell me something?"

"We did?" Farore blinked.

"Ah yes," Nayru said. "We wanted to tell you about your origins."

"But aren't I human?" Linda asked. "I _did_ come from Earth a few minutes ago, right?"

"Wrong!" Din exclaimed. "You are not human! You are the last surviving member of the ancient Korgikin Clan!"

"The Korgikin Clan?" Linda was in utter shock.

"Yes," Farore said. "Basically, you have the ability to summon Corgis at will."

BEST. POWAH. EVAH.

"Huh? Korgikin clan?" Navi blinked. "I don't think I've heard of this tribe before. Tell me more about these people, if you will."

"No," Nayru hissed.

"Anyway, it's really important that you, like, go on a huge epic adventure with Link," Farore said.

"All because I am the last surviving member of the Korgikin Tribe?" Linda asked.

"All because you are the last surviving member of the Korgikin Tribe," Nayru confirmed.

"I think the writer keeps forgetting about my character," Lydia's remains sighed.

"Also, we'd like to invite you to join us!" Din grinned. "You know, as a fourth goddess!"

"Goddessness is so hard with just three of us," Farore said. "So, we're hiring."

"Wow!" Linda exclaimed. "And you chose me? Of all people? I'm so lucky!"

Linda was so overjoyed by the fact that she had been chosen out of all people to become a goddess. Link was overjoyed to see Linda overjoyed, since Linda was his lover and he loved her. Navi was overjoyed for no reason, and so was Lydia. This was just such a sweet, heartwarming moment that nobody could not enjoy it. Linda looked at Link and thought of how nice he had been to her for the past seven minutes. Link looked at Linda and admired how beautiful she was since she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen—well, minus Johnny Depp's beard. He was thinking about how she was so much prettier than the goddesses themselves. But Nayru, Farore, and Din weren't jelous, for they were all happy for her since she was a nice, modest person who had had a craptastic life up until that point, and she deserved it.

The authoress grabbed hold of the annoying narrator that had taken her place during her Iced Tea™ break. She tossed this narrator out of a window. After all, that now-dead narrator was being overly intrusive into all of the characters' thoughts, and never even thought of showing how the characters felt through what they did, instead of what they were thinking.

"So, how about it?" Nayru asked.

"Wait a minute, wait a bloody minute here!" Navi piped up. "I'm sorry, Din, Nayru, Farore, for my doubting your goddessly judgment here, but _what_ has actually she _done_ to deserve this? She just arrived in the forest, like, what? Fifteen minutes ago? And _already_ she's getting invited to join the Goddesses Squad?"

"But she's the sole survivor of the Korgikin Tribe—" Nayru started.

"TO HECK WITH THE KORGIKIN TRIBE!" Navi said. "They've been given no backstory of background history ever since they were mentioned!"

"Five minutes ago," Link added.

"Point is, sure she may be the sole survivor from said clan, and maybe she does have the ability to summon Corgis out of the air at will," Navi groaned. "But why should we care that's she's the sole surivor of this clan, if we know nothing about it? Were they innovative people? Did they have large Corgi ears as their trademark? Did they benefit the Hyrulian people at _all?_ But, no! This clan isn't even CANON. Why even bring up this clan at all if it has no relatable characteristics?"

There was a pause.

"SHUTZ UPZ, NABI!" Lydia's remained smacked Navi with the fishing rod. "Nobooooooddy lieks j00!"

"Agreed!" Linda smiled.

Linda and Lydia did a high-five. Linda got squished maggots slathered all over her palm.

"Link!" Linda smiled. "Let us make out!"

"Okay!" Link smiled.

Link became seven years older again, and embraced Linda. They engaged in an overly described make out session that made everybody else around them gag.

"Okay, you know what?" Navi sighed. "Somebody, just shoot me now. I'd rather die than live in a reality as messed up as this—"

Cherry-sama popped up from her bush, "I got a Corgi puppy not that long ago."

"Nobody cares!" the cast yelled in unison.

"Okay, we're leaving now," Din said. "See ya."

The three goddesses ascended back into the heavens.

"Linda…" Link paused. "You…you missed your chance…"

"That's okay," Linda smiled. "I didn't want to be a goddess anyway."

"WHAT?" Navi bellowed. "How could you so freely pass up an opportunity like _that?_ What, are the goddesses of Hyrule not good enough for you?"

"No, actually, it's the opposite," Linda grinned. "I am simply not worthy of being within their presence… And besides, I'd rather stay here with my Linky-poo~"

"_Ohhhh_, Linda Balinda~" Link purred.

"_Ohhhh_, Linky-poo~" Linda purred back.

The two began rubbing noses.

"Link, you fickle, fickle man!" Lydia yelled.

"Who are you again?" Link asked.

"That's it," Navi groaned. "Link, find yourself another guardian fairy, 'cause I'm movin' out."

Suddenly, from out of the bush on the right, came a large, brown furred dog.

"It can't be!" Link gasped. "It just can't be!"

"What, Linky-poo?" Linda asked.

"It's… It's…!" Link trembled.

"The Plott!" Navi exclaimed.

The Plott snarled and growled. It looked ten times better than it did the previous time, however it still had several scars and bruises that had yet to completely heal.

"Why is it looking at me like that?" Lydia's remains clattered when she shook.

The Plott leapt forth, and tackled Lydia. It wrapped its jaws around her skeletal neck and ripped her bones from what remained of her torso.

"Eek!" Linda screamed. "What is it doing?"

"It must be getting its revenge!" Link gasped. "After all, it was so neglected last time, it must be angry with Lydia for ruining the tissue!"

"It still looks like its in shambles to me," Navi said.

"But it's not as bad as before," Link pointed out.

"Link!" Lydia's skeleton exclaimed. "Honey bun! You remember?"

"Yup," Link smiled. "Now I do!"

Linda slapped Link, "You two-timing jerk!"

The Plott spun around and glared at Linda. It walked away from the gored skeleton of Lydia, and the dog pounced on Linda.

"Ahh! Link!" Linda cried. "Help me!"

"I wonder if this is what the Plott's behaviour is like…" Navi pondered.

"I'll save you!" Link exclaimed.

"No! Link! Don't!" Navi gasped. "It's always a bad idea to interfere with the Plott."

"Ah. Touché," Link nodded.

And so, Link and Navi wandered back to Link's blackened tree house, and put away his groceries together. Linda got taken out for the sake of the Plott, and then returned back to its loving family. As soon as Linda died, then her horse disappeared too, which didn't matter since the writer forgot about him anyway. Lydia actually died this time, and so did the maggots. May those poor little critters rest in peace. The goddesses ascended back to the heavens, and upon arriving there, they realized how silly they had been for asking a lowly Korgikin girl to become a goddess like them. From that day forth, they swore never to do something that silly ever again. And Link's milk spoiled, and Link considered it his most tragic loss from that day.

**THE END**

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><p>AN: I felt Lydia's Boogers needed a sequel since there were a couple of points that I missed in the previous fic, like how annoying it is to use random Japanese in an all English fanfic. Also, the Japanese section is thanks to my sister. Kudos to her. Also, I realize that Lydia's Boogers is a lot better than this sequel, but this fanfic needed to be done. It just needed to be. Especially since my sister's rereading her old fanfic. Heck, I think she needs this fanfic more than me. But anywho, thanks for reading.

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><p>TRANSLATED TEXT:<p>

"It stopped. That's good," Navi said. "Huh, what happened?"

"Umm….We're speaking Japanese," Link said.

"But that's impossible!" Navi yelled. "This entire fanfic has been in English up until this point! Why did it change?"

"I hope becomes English again," Linda said.

"Link is _my_ lover!" Lydia shouted.

"I wonder if the readers can read Japanese…" Link wondered.

"I doubt it," Navi said.

"Oh hey," Din paused. "The dialogue's in English again."

"Hooray!" Link cheered.


End file.
